Assuming The World Around Us....

Recently...

This is why I go to school in Wisconsin (Spring 2012)

I have stumbled upon a few topics of interest.  I prefer to start with the one that I hope, opens up some eyes.   And then I guess we'll go from there.

I don't think there is an official, formal way of going about introducing this topic of interest.  I think the title says it all.  We assume the world around us.  Stop and think for a moment.  When are you not making assumptions?  When are you not making assumptions about others, your environment, or events in general?  That's just it.  You never stop making assumptions.  While this is a short, yet simple observation, there is a silent beauty in the things that you do not have to assume.  The best part about not assuming, is the fact that it truly gives you a peace of mind.  You aren't left with wondering if you look okay, why someone else is doing something the way they are doing it, why something appears to be what it is, or anything like that.  Jimney Christmas, folks.  Look at how much we assume.  We are always drawing assumptions either to fit the mold that we believe, or to convince ourselves that something is acceptable.  Why can't the world just think in simpler terms?  Now, now, I am not naive to this world (that's a lie, we all are naive to this world, really) but honestly, I do wish people would think in straightforward simple approach. Let's think about this. What are things in life that we don't assume?  For me, it is nature.  I cannot begin to describe to you  how beautiful I find nature to be.  The most calming concept in the world would involve a camera and a car ride.  Blissfully stopping in then middle of nowhere and snapping shots of nature.  What a beautiful idea.  Writing about it, simply makes me smile.  Sure, you can assume why the colors of a sunset are what they are, but you're not going to question it for the entire duration of your gaze.  You are going to love and embrace the beauty that the sunset has to offer.  End of story.  Plain and simple.  Think about it.

There are things in life that you never expect to have to deal with.  I'll disclose.     

Depression medication, anxiety medication, and alcohol.  A mistake and trend that shouldn't even have been developed.  But it was developed.  Moving on.

She began by stealing the alcohol because she recognized that the people around her, her friends, would not allow her to do such an injustice to herself.  And I can't tell it is a show or not.  We, up until this point, have assumed that she's okay.  "Now that she's on medication, things should be better, right?"  I believed that.  I assumed.  

"I can't live like this, I am worthless, I am worth nothing, I can't live like this" - The screams continue to echo though my head.  She proceeds to drink the alcohol, and thus, making life oh so interesting for not only her, but everyone else that she effects as well.  The yelling.  The screaming.  The wailing.  All of it, made those around her question, "What the hell is going on?"  Walk out the room, find her one the floor in front of her door.  Wailing.  Historically.  And the frightening thing?  This was certainly real life.  This is so real life to those who live on the floor because this is the FOURTH time that this has happened.  And so the comforting begins.  The effort of numerous sisters.  Until, she decides to run away.  She decides to run away in hopes of dying.  She decides to run away.  And I still can't tell if it is all a show.  Before she runs away, we're sitting. We're sitting in her bed, she's crying hysterically, and telling me her pains.  She is telling me about how she has both alcohol and pills and scissors, and she has the power.  Her life is actually in her hands.  I respond.  I'm terrified.  I motivate life, and I think, until she legitimately runs out of the room, that I've been doing a great job to calm her down.  She's out of her bed, we're joking around, and a small sense of peace has come over me.  Apparently not.  So she runs away.  At this point we all are concerned.  I legitimately found the scariest part of this to be the uncertainty.  The uncertainty that when looking for this woman, that I could turn the corner and find her dead.  I could open up a bathroom look behind the shower curtain, and see her dead.  She doesn't understand the emotional distress that she had put everyone through that night.  But that doesn't matter.  So she has run away.  The entirety of campus is searched.  And.  She ends up back in her room. At this point, the hall director is called.  She converses with the suicidal student, and emerges saying "The authorities will be coming." And my thought at this point is, "Thank God, FINALLY."  Finally, this young woman is going to get some help, finally her parents will be notified, and finally, everybody can stop worrying. 

Unfortunately, that never happened.  The police had come because she had been utilizing suicidal language.  The authorities come.  I am telling you now.  If you had been listening to the conversation from the other side of the door, you would be sick.  Absolutely sick.  She's laughing, she's joking around, she is all of a sudden sober enough to comprehend what is going on, she is all of a sudden sober enough to get her way out of the mess that she had created.  This girl, did not get help.  This girl is still going to suffer.  She is going to suffer, we are going to suffer, and She will continue to be miserable.  And as much as I want to give up on her, I want help for her, more than anything else.  I can't even speak to her. I can't look at her, and I can't even begin to think about what I would say to her.  This is one of the biggest double binds that I've ever been in.  I truly wish she would just open herself up to help, I wish someone could take the next step.  I wish I knew what to do. 

On a separate note.  (I apologize, for I must discontinue this story.)  ((But, I think you get the point.))

There is something beautiful about watching people scurry.  It emphasizes the different story that everybody has.  

Life, my friends, is precious.

Cheers. 

The Question of the Hour...

I encourage perspective.  Take a different perspective on things. (Prairie 2012)

 Recently, I was faced with something that I hadn't anticipated on coming across.  Yesterday, I had a conversation with a young man who didn't know what happiness was.  He stated, "Sophia, I don't know how to be happy.  The only thing I know how to do is work.  I don't know how to communicate"  He continued, "I have no friends, I am socially awkward, and I am just frustrated.  I feel like people walk all over me and all I can do is give in because that is all I know how to do."  The hurt in this young man's eyes were furthered by tears rolling down his face.  This young man was struggling.  There were so many components to his outcry that had invoked thought.  I had to pause, and think.  I had to think about what I was going to say to this young man to convince him that change is possible and that the grass is a little greener on the other side.  Oofta.

I thought about how this entire situation started from something so small and so basic.  The inability to communicate.  This led to the inability to make friends.  The led to the inability for this young man to say "No" to the things that he didn't want to commit to.  This is what led the young man to say "Yes" because work is the only thing that he knows how to do.  I have come across too many cases of this.  I have come into contact with people who do not know how to communicate.  This is SO unfortunate.  It hampers the person who cannot communicate, and this hampers the people who correspond with a person who cannot communicate. 

Pause.  This post is going to include a couple of thoughts.  First, the ability to communicate. Or I suppose, the inability to communicate.  This also corresponds with another topic, the ability to live the life that YOU want to live.  You are in control.  There we go, there is the moral of this post, YOU are in control.

Play.

I think that the ability to communicate creates the right to be selfish about your own well-being.  Follow me here, for a moment.  I personally think that if you are able to communicate to others, you know what to prioritize.  What needs to be said, what doesn't need to be said, and for what purpose these words do or do not need to be said, are set by what you choose to communicate to others.  After all, and outcry is said because the person communicating is looking for help, looking for a solution, or simply looking for a friend.  Solution, found through communication can be such a mind blowing experience.  What prevents this solution from happening is wall the becomes erected between what you want and what you don't think you can have.  The side that is blocked, that a person can no longer see, is the side that holds what you want. 

This wall certainly exists for the young man I have been referring to.  This wall leads to the inability for him to fight for what he wants, to be selfish for his own well-being.  For him, being selfish about what he wanted never seemed to be an option because he was never able to fully communicate.   

 

My question is, is is wrong to be selfish every once in awhile?  I contend that it isn't.  It isn't at all.  I believe this because I believe that you have control over what you want in your life.  You have control over what you want to pursue and you have control of what you prioritize.

Here is a little excerpt of my thoughts that I feel I need to address as well. 

- There was a letter to the editor publication in our last college newspaper.  It addressed the "inadequacies" of one of our organizations on campus.  The author happened to be apart of the organization that he was criticizing.  The author went on and on and ON about what this organization had been doing that was displeasing, in his opinion.  Here is where I find fault in this author.  This author NEVER once mentions anything what HE himself has done to fix the problems that he sees in this organization.  NEVER once does he say that he has tried to change the way this organization is view on campus, how this organization should change, or what should be fixed for the future.  You know why?  Because he hasn't done ANYTHING to change the organization that he is criticizing.  He doesn't once represent himself as a catalyst, because he can't.  It is such disapproving thing to not take advantage of the ability to change.  I personally have a hard time respecting this letter to the editor because of this reason.  It is one thing to point out the flaws of an organization, it is another to see if YOU yourself have acted in hopes of changing these flaws. PUT ACTIONS TO YOUR WORDS.  If you feel that something needs to be changed, talk about it THEN work towards this change.  Hmph.

I realize now, that that had absolutely nothing to do with what I had been addressing earlier.  But hopefully, you enjoyed the break.     

So what did I eventually end up telling this young man who had tears rolling down his face?  I told him to be selfish.  I told him that if you want something, go for it.  If you don't want to do something don't say yes to the person asking.  You have the ability to say no.  You always have the ability to say no.  I told him that if he wants more friends, embrace his "social awkwardness" and love who you are.  I told him that if he thinks people walk all over him, tell that to their face.  Tell the people who he interacts with that " I am a person too.  I have things to do, places to be, and people to see."  I told him that in order to find happiness, you need to know and act on what you want. I told him, "YOU are in control." I told him to fight for what he wants.

So I suppose my questions to you are this.  Are you communicating?  Are you in control?  Are YOU living the life that YOU want to live?  Let me know.

Static.

Even the Common can be JUST as Beautiful. (Taken 4-13 WI)

 I feel as though I now have an obligation to this (another item to add to the to-do list).  Commitment isn't my forte.  I haven't determined how personal I am going to allow these posts to get.  After all, the thoughts that run through my head are personal, and are often tied to an even more in depth personal experience.  I suppose all of this is determined only when I decide what I want to have come out of the blogging experience.  

What exactly are my intentions anyway?  Generally speaking, I'd say my intentions are simple, find meaning to my thoughts.

Lately, there have been a few things that have been eating me up inside.  We've all experienced what it is like to not have specific feelings reciprocated by someone who you care about.  (What's interesting is that I haven't even gotten into detail about this thought, and I'm already questioning my own judgement in bringing this up.)  I've always been on the side that doesn't receive specific feelings back.  Until recently.  I don't know if there is a way to make this not sound pompous.  Today, I think I broke someone's heart.

The worse part is, I feel just as horrible now than I did without having that "dreaded" conversation.

I find that at this point, that is all I want to share.  Not purposeful, keep in mind, just not solidified enough to effectively get the point across.  (Or maybe it is the self-consciousness of bringing up the issue, kicking in.)

The clock tells me it is 11:11.  I do not believe in those wishes, any longer.

It is funny how nearly everything that you have experienced, or have yet to experience, mold and shape your life.  It is literally up to a human to decide how (with certain circumstances, different for each) much that human decides to live life.

My toes get cold/numb frequently.  Do I have poor blood circulation?  How do you fix that?

Remember, "She thinks in fragments."

I find myself needing and valuing the time that I have to myself even more valuable than ever before.  Lately, I would rather isolate than "mingle".  I have a few hypotheses.  1.  For the past 3 weeks I've been around people. people, people, people.  Don't get me wrong.  I love my people, but a girl can only take so much people.  2.  Isolation is easier than mingling.  So much to satisfy, so much accommodating, and so much misunderstanding.  Mingling, can be hellish.  Not to say that any of my interactions have been hellish.  Where I am going with this?  (It is good to pose questions to yourself.  Don't worry, I keep reassuring myself of it.)  3.  I simply have too much going on.  For example, going to bed at 1 A.M. only to wake back up at 5:30 A.M, to return back to the inability to sleep soundly.  Ideal.

Good and bad things happen all the time.  Don't forget that.  

Currently, I am still finding beauty in nature.  Nature puts things into perspective.  We are all contributions to this world.  

I suppose there isn't something that I want to stress in particular this time but, there have been a few things that I have briefly been educated on that are interesting.  I think they should be brought to your attention.

1.  Psychologists in schools for Autistic children.  Hardly funded/existent at all.  Unfortunate.  Teachers of Autistic children must follow specific guidelines and regulations that actually hamper more than help the children.  With lack of psychologists, Autistic children do not have a learning environment specifically accessible to them.

 2.  Psychologists for the Elderly in nursing homes.  If a nursing home patient experiences changes in emotion or behavior, a psychologist isn't summoned, a change in medication is.  Hormones, chemicals, depressants, whatever the concoction, the problem is fixed with a pill.  I don't find that to be the best solution.  But what do I know?  I am young and naive.

3.  The politics and secrets behind what it takes to run a College or University.  What else are Universities/Colleges hiding?  How much of decision making is actually dependent on Trustee opinions (or rather, money)?  The thing is though, I do not want to know the answers to these questions.  I have a strong feeling that the verdict of each will bother me terribly.

4.  North Korea figured it was a great idea of launch a missile yesterday...  Interestingly enough, it fell apart...

Practice LSAT is Sunday.

I suppose if I'm investing the time in this now, I may as well go further and address a few other loose strings.

I am one who really enjoys associating life to random quotations.  Reflection stems from words and these reflections are what are frequently, the most amazing.  Here are some of the quotations I took to heart while at the IMPACT Conference in Florida.

1. If you have never failed you've never lived. 

2. The hardest people to love are the one's who need it the most.

3. Character is who you are when nobody is watching.

4. If your heart is beating, you have rhythm.

5. Never forget your C.S. degree.  Common Sense.

6. The three H's: Head - for the best practices, Hands - for work, and Heart - for love. 

7. Remember where you came from.

One of the neat things about quotations, the meaning behind a quotation can be something completely different compared to another person's perspective.  I like the idea of open interpretation.  But now, look at the amount of trouble open interpretation has gotten us in.  For example, Florida's Stand Your Ground law.  The person who is 'standing their ground' is the one who's interpretation is acted upon.  Eh.  What a whole new messy topic.

I suppose that is all I would like to mention for now.  Maybe tomorrow there will be more.  After all, sanity as been at an all time low, lately.  Maybe its healthy.

Mmm.  One thing that wasn't included was something to ad to the list of to change.  2.  Open up more by not relying so heavily on independence.  

Good night.

    

An introduction.

Open your eyes. (Taken in Florida - 2012)

Sophia Kaounas. 20 year old student.  Originally from South Dakota.  Living the life of a college student in good ole' Ripon, WI.  Anxious.  Learning.  Thinks in fragments.  Frequently.  What more is there to know?  Plans?  To develop a future, to love every moment of life (that's hefty), and to never stop questioning the beauty (and problems) of this world.  Generally, not the most optimistic individual (I justify it as being real and honest with myself) ((Is that right?  Well, that's certainly a different story)).  However, I've been told that optimism goes along way. Here starts the list of change:  1.  Be optimistic.

There is a specific term that comes to mind that I was just recently made aware of when traveling to Deland, Florida for the annual IMPACT Service Learning/Leadership conference.  The term is compassion fatigue.  One could connect the dots and essentially assume what the definition  means.  If not, compassion fatigue essentially commonly develops when one is too compassionate about too many things.  

Whether or not I like to admit it, compassionate fatigue defines my life.  I could go on and on in listing all of the activities that I am involved in on my college's campus.  I could go on and on in listing all of the issues in the world that I am drawn to. And, I could go on and on in listing all of the ways I want to solve all of these problems.  The fact of the matter is, no one cares. 

Let us be real with ourselves for a moment here, shall we.   

Apathy is ultimately defined as a state of indifference.  Or as I like to call it, a state of not giving a shit.  (Sense the bitterness?)  The absence of concern and/or interest. - Yeah, I'd say my definition is justified. (Here is where the stance opinion of Sophia Kaounas chime in.)

I want to quit lying to myself.  I need to realize that not everyone is invested in what I find to be issues in this world.  But at the same time, while this lack of investment may be justified (may be...) why don't people care about what is going on in this world.

It is important to get this straight.  Caring is different than just simply being aware.  For example, "Sure! I know there are people who don't have food to eat when they go to sleep at night." versus "It is devastating that nearly 80% of the world is impoverished.  There are so many organizations and volunteers, including myself, that are trying to combat this issue."  

Is it unfair for me to say this?  Is it unfair for me to think that everyone needs to have a passion about something?  When I say something, I mean, for example, Social Injustice.

Oofta.  Social injustice. - Let's leave that for another time.

Let me just tell you, this (this, as in apathy) is one of my concerns.  Actually, one of my biggest concerns.  This is a concern I have from not only my campus community, but a concern that I share for the entire world as well.

  

I just cannot seem to wrap my mind around WHY.  Why don't people care?

I suppose you could utilize the excuse of time.  But time, should never be an excuse.  It certainly isn't for me.  Why?  Because it is called prioritizing.   WHOA.  prioritizing.  What a phenomenon.  (Here is where you learn that I'm also a biting, sarcastic, and up front type of woman.)  ((Better to figure this out now, rather than later.)) 

Enough of this.  I'm sure you'll be hearing about it more.  After all, it certainly runs through my mind several times a day.

I titled this "An introduction" but I don't even think this comes close to the introduction of What I am made up of and Who I am as a person.  Maybe I'll leave that up to you to decide.  

Also,

Anxiety. - I've had this word at the bottom of my first post for the entirety of the writing process.  This is a whole other issue.  Let's deal with that later.